


One Day...

by bertererei



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Anxiety, Foul Language, Just suspend your disbelief and laugh, M/M, Mangaka AU, Mangaka Eren Yeager, OOC, Panic Attack, Please Don't Take This Seriously, light manga spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23398480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bertererei/pseuds/bertererei
Summary: I’ll tell you how I feel. I promised that to myself multiple times. So when that time comes, won’t you please listen to me?
Relationships: Bertolt Hoover/Eren Yeager
Comments: 5
Kudos: 43





	One Day...

**Author's Note:**

> This is a spiritual sequel to my other work, [I am here (You are not alone)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20620094/chapters/48962450). That means if you’ve read the other work, you’ll notice the little treats I’ve snuck in here. But even without reading the other work, you can still enjoy this. That said, please don’t come here expecting the same level of trauma/death/hurt as that one. This one is the “comfort” part… ish?
> 
> This is a story about shojo mangaka Eren who remembers his life as “Humanity’s Last Hope.” Most of the people in his life do not remember, but there are few here and there that does. It’s that kind of stereotypical and cliched set up. ^^ Despite this, there are light manga spoilers, because (as always) I like writing the Warriors.
> 
> It was also brought to my attention that some people don’t know what a mangaka is. It’s someone who makes manga like Isayama. The reason why I decided to use the term “mangaka” instead of “cartoonist” or “artist” is because I’m a filthy weeb. That’s all.
> 
> Eren's birthday celebration part 3!
> 
> Warnings: Reincarnation AU. Mangaka AU. Bertolt x Eren. Foul language. Light manga spoilers. OOC. Mangaka!Eren. Panic attack. Anxiety. Please don't take this seriously. Just suspend your disbelief and laugh.

"Okay," Bertolt mumbles to himself in front of the apartment door. "It's going to be okay. Come on and ring the doorbell."

Despite those words to encourage himself, he stands still frozen. His heart is hammering in his chest to the point that he’s fearful of an oncoming heart attack. Because hearts aren’t supposed to drum this loudly, right? He’s pretty sure his face is flushed, and don’t even get him started on how sweaty his hands feel. This is so not how he wants to make a first impression, sweaty and flushed like some kind of a creep.

But he really can’t help it, alright?

He’s finally going to meet Eren Jaeger, the creator of _One Day._

* * *

It’s something that Bertolt has heard in passing. If you haven’t had at least one existential crisis when you were in high school, you will most definitely have one in your college years. 

For him, it hits home around midterms of his first semester at his university. 

“Oh gods,” he whispers as he stares at his test grades. “I’m going to fail out of uni.”

Since he was little, Bertolt had just one goal in life. To live peacefully without catching attention of anything or anyone. Blend in. Disappear into the background as “Villager 1” or even “the background tree.” Live and die without ever doing anything note-worthy or special. Be friendly enough so people don’t ostracize him, but never get too close. Always stay at the outskirts of any social activity. Be forgotten by anyone he has ever met in life.

Of course, he has no plans on becoming a NEET and bum off of his parents for the rest of his life. So he decided that the most basics of all living style is to be a normal businessman who works his life away for a company and dies without anyone to mourn for him. He’ll never get married. He’ll never have children. So he’ll have to donate all the money he has made before his death. But to donate it all to one place would mean he’ll be remembered, so he’s working on picking out various different charities to split whatever money he’ll have at the end of his life.

Yes, he has everything worked out.

Except for one.

He forgot to account for his atrocious grades that will doubtlessly cause him to fail out of university.

“This is… this is really bad,” he mumbles to himself as he begins to pace. 

Indeed, it is bad. Quite frankly, it’s so bad that he’s starting to hit a hysterical level of panic. His carefully constructed plans to live and die peacefully and unnoticed by the world is going down the drain with every quickening breath he’s taking. His thoughts are such a mess that he can’t arrive on any kind of conclusion aside from that this is bad. 

What happens after you fail out of university? How do you get a job? Is he going to become a laughing stock? How can he achieve his goal of living peacefully if everyone knows that he’s the shame of the Hoover family? How can he ever dare to show his face at home? 

Is there really nothing he can do? 

One might make the argument that he should be able to turn his grade around since it’s still the middle of the semester. But Bertolt’s grades are so bad that there’s no way for him to do that. What do you think he has been doing since he started university? He threw everything he had to his studies, and this is what he has to show for it.

It turns out that he is quite bad when it comes to receiving education.

But this is the path that everyone says you’re supposed to follow. You finish compulsory schooling, you go to university. You finish university, you go get a job. Then you work until you die. The end. That’s just how life is. And in order to be someone who isn’t noticed, he needs to follow that to the teeth.

Not that it’ll do him any good, seeing that he’s failing all his classes.

It’s over.

His peaceful life is over.

His plans of being unnoticed is over.

He will forever be the black smear on the Hoover family name.

Having arrived on the conclusion that there is nothing that he can do, Bertolt bursts out laughing. He sits back down to look at his test grades again. Yup, there’s absolutely no way that he can pass his classes.

He drops his head in his hands and laughs.

*

Don’t misunderstand.

The only reason why Bertolt finds himself at the movie theater isn’t because he wanted to watch this movie. What happened was that one of his roommates bought the ticket to watch the currently most popular movie or whatever but ended up becoming too sick to go himself. Since the ticket was already been paid for, he gave it to Bertolt as the only other person who stayed in the dorm for the midterm break.

Despite the fact that this movie has been out for a few weeks now and the showing is in the afternoon, the theater is packed with couples making doe-eyes at each other. Bertolt feels like a creep for watching this by himself.

But any discomfort he feels about being here flies out the window when the movie begins. That’s just how engrossed he becomes.

By all rights, the movie _One Day, I’ll Tell You How I Feel_ is your very typical and cliched romance story. The main character is a socially awkward person who struggles with his feelings for his crush due to his nature of becoming easily embarrassed. His crush is also a socially awkward person who has a hard time reaching out to others. Despite this very simple premises, the movie charms you with the sheer amount of silly shenanigans of side characters, the almost painful unresolved sexual tension, and the playful banter between the leads. Bertolt isn’t alone in shouting out in delirium at the end of the movie when the main character fails yet again to confess.

It’s a good movie. 

Hell, Bertolt would probably rate it near top five of his most favorite movies of all times. For one, the pacing of the movie is good. It’s entertaining to watch. The actors have great chemistry and it really sparks on the screen. Added to the beautiful directing and soft OST, Bertolt is hard-pressed to find another movie that he’s felt this impressed by recently.

“Eh? Really? It’s based on a manga?” A couple walking by says.

“Yeah! _One Day_ is really good. The movie does a good job capturing the light-hearted tone of the manga, but it really doesn’t have the flare that Jaeger puts in… Oh, do you want to go to the bookstore to check it out?”

Of course, Bertolt is curious.

But it’ll be really creepy if he just followed the couple to the bookstore. So he loiters around the movie theater for a bit before he makes his way over.

There’s nothing that screams he has not kept in touch with what’s currently trending than walking into the bookstore and seeing nothing but merchandise for _One Day._ But thanks to that, he manages to easily find the manga the couple was talking about. 

And yeah, he gets it.

The movie was good. The music and the acting was amazing. But there’s this charm to the way the mangaka draws and depicts the story. Bertolt feels like he’s been invited to peek into something private and intimate. He feels… He feels like he can hear the echoes of loneliness etched into the characters’ hearts. Like he can feel every convey of emotion each character holds. Their anxiety, their worries, their happiness, and their love.

He feels like he can hear the voice of the mangaka, shouting out to the world to hear.

Bertolt buys all 17 volumes currently out and heads back.

*

The manga is episodic. Each chapter depicts yet another failed attempt at confessing. By all means, it should be repetitive and boring, but Bertolt can’t put down the series until he has finished all the volumes. The way the story is told is just so earnest and heartfelt that Bertolt can’t help but to be charmed. And with how creative some of the chapters get about failing to confess, he honestly believes that the mangaka is a genius of sorts.

Once he finishes consuming the manga, he finds himself desperately searching for any kind of information about the series. He turns to his trusty friend, the internet.

 _One Day_ was published about a year and a half ago by the Nine Titans Publishing House. The creator is a high schooler by the name of Eren Jaeger. 

A very talented high schooler who can not only draw, but also create this masterpiece of work every week. Because really, Bertolt has nothing but the word “masterpiece” to describe _One Day._

While Bertolt is failing out of university, there’s a high schooler out there, creating a heart-touching story that has recently been adopted into a movie.

The world sure is a cruel place.

*

“You… really liked the movie, huh, Bertolt?” his roommate asks the next day when he sees all the manga Bertolt bought.

“It really spoke to me,” Bertolt explains with a shy dip of the head.

His roommate stares at him for a second longer before saying, “You know, Nine Titans opened their internship applications for the year. Have you checked it out?”

“Their…?”

“Yeah. Ever since Marley International bought them, they’ve held yearly internship opportunity for anyone with a high school diploma. Apparently, if you can get one of the three open positions, you are guaranteed a job with them. A lot of my classmates were talking about dropping out if they get the internship.”

T-there’s… 

“There’s good in this world,” Bertolt whispers.

“H-huh? Did you say something?”

Bertolt honestly thanks his roommate. First for introducing him to the movie that led to this discovery. And now for handing him hope.

Being a university drop out doesn’t have to be the end. He doesn’t have to be a shame to his family. He can go on living his life as a unnoticed background character. Even more importantly, he’ll be working in the same company as the one who created his favorite manga.

His plans aren’t over.

*

It takes rigorous training and a blood fest fight for one of the three internship positions. 

Bertolt can’t tell you all the details of exactly how he ended up getting this spot because he himself doesn’t recall. He remembers being really anxious, though. Really anxious that he couldn’t keep food down for a good portion of the time period. So anxious, in fact, that he almost blacked out during one of the testing. And he’s pretty sure he vomited blood after an interview.

But he did it.

By the end of the first semester of university, Bertolt officially drops out and becomes an intern at Nine Titans Publishing House.

*

The department that Bertolt is put in is the sales front. 

He helps crunch the numbers of the marketing department and give predictions on when might be a good time to release new works or make announcements to the public. Or at least, on paper, that’s his job.

Needless to say, he sucks at it.

His calculations are always a mess and needs to be redone by someone else. His analysis of the situation is always off and needs to be corrected. His presentations to give on the information found is so dull that most of the audience members fall asleep by the third slide. There’s a good reason why he was flunking out of university, you see. 

Within a month of being an intern, he ends up becoming a paper-delivery boy between departments and the official coffee-fetcher. 

Instead of becoming someone that no one noticed, he became marked as the failure of the company.

“Ah, you’re that fail… Hoover kid, right?”

Bertolt hears that kind of things a lot.

“I’m really sorry to ask this of you. But the one in charge of Jaeger had a family emergency pop up. Can we ask you to go and pick up the newest manuscript for _One Day_ today?”

* * *

“Okay,” Bertolt tells himself yet again. “R-r-ring the d-doorbell…”

His fingers shake violently as it hovers closer and closer towards the doorbell. He can’t believe this. Is he really going to do this? Can he really do this? What if this is the wrong apartment? W-what if he’s about to ring the doorbell to the house of a murderer? W-what if-

In his anxiety-induced state, his finger slips and hits the doorbell.

Bertolt actually considers running to hide somewhere. And he might have done that if he wasn’t so terrified that his legs stopped responding to his urge to flee. 

There’s a sound of someone running. Then Bertolt hears the door unlock. Without asking who it might be, the door swings widely open and the mangaka Bertolt has only seen in pictures grins widely at him.

“Mr. Levi, you’re home earl…”

The grin freezes. There’s a flash of fear in those green eyes. And oh man, have high schoolers always been this small? Sure, Bertolt has always been on the tall side. But he didn’t think the Eren Jaeger would be so… small and cute. Could it be that he built up how great Jaeger was in his mind that he never stopped to consider reality?

But seriously, is it legal for a high school boy to look this adorable?

Or maybe it’s just the over-sized shirt and boxer shorts Jaeger is wearing?

“W-why… are you here?”

Jaeger’s voice hitches and shakes. It’s clear that he’s fearful and uncomfortable about this sweaty stranger who is breathing hard while staring at him slack-jawed.

Yeah, Bertolt doesn’t even blame him.

“N-n-nice to meet you. I’m with the Nine Titans-”

The door slams shut before Bertolt can finish.

*

It’s okay. It’s okay.

Yeah, he was clearly just rejected. But that’s fine. It doesn’t bother him. In fact, that’s totally not the reason why he’s curled up against the apartment door, half in tears. It’s because he’s failed yet again. Alright? So much for being not noticed. He should have realized nothing will ever go his way from the day he was born. Damn it. This sucks.

He stays curled up like that for few more minutes before standing up.

It’s not over yet, he tells himself.

He just needs to properly explain who he is and why he’s here. He’s not just a creepy stalker fan. He isn’t here for an autograph (although he’d gladly accept that). He’s here to pick up the manuscript for the company. It’s for the company! Surely, Jaeger would understand that, right?

“H-hello? Mr. Jaeger?” Bertolt calls out. 

Just in case, he rings the doorbell again. He waits. When no one answers, he tries the doorbell yet again. 

Nothing.

Should he knock? Should he yell? But what if that causes a disturbance for the neighbors?

With a heavy sigh, he settles back down with his back against the apartment door and waits for a miracle.

*

The miracle arrives around midnight in a suit. A man with a rather nasty glare in his eyes stares Bertolt down.

“You with the Nine Titans?” the man asks.

Bertolt nods. “Y-yes sir.”

There’s an annoyed sigh as the man rubs the back of his neck. “Where’s the regular guy?”

“F-family emergency, sir.”

“Move out of the way of the door. I’ll let you in.”

“Y-yes sir.”

Bertolt rushes to stand up and move to the side. He can’t help but to note how small this man is, too. But the suit and the glare (not to mention the dark bags under his eyes and tired wrinkles on his face) denotes this man as someone much older than Bertolt. Is he Jaeger’s dad? Brother? Uncle?

The man ignores Bertolt and rings the doorbell. When no answer comes, the man clicks his tongue in annoyance. He makes a fist and begins hitting the door without any care that this will bother the neighbors.

“Hey, you shitty brat! Answer the damned door if you’re going to mooch off of me!”

Oh god, what a horrible potty mouth.

There’s the sound of someone rushing for the door. Bertolt notes that there’s no sound of the door unlocking. Did Jaeger leave it unlocked…? After meeting someone creepy like Bertolt? Is he not sane? Or maybe that was his way of inviting Bertolt to come inside? No, no. Bertolt is getting ahead of himself. Let’s not forget that this is a high schooler. They’re forgetful and cute by definition… Wait, not cute. He meant to say violent. It’s just Jaeger that’s cute and… Wow, he’s really not helping his case.

“Mr. Levi, you’re disturbing the neighbors.”

The door opens wide to a tired looking Jaeger. He has changed out from what he was wearing before (not that Bertolt is disappointed or anything. Jaeger is a minor. He may be two years younger than Bertolt, but he’s still in high school. Bertolt is a creep, but he’s not that kind of a creep). He’s now wearing fluffy looking pajama bottom that has polar bears on it and a plain loose t-shirt (to be honest, this is really cute in its own right, too). He yawns as he steps out of the way to let the man, Mr. Levi, in.

Then he notices Bertolt.

It’s a little like when a cat is startled. Their fur bristles and their eyes narrow into slits. Jaeger tenses and glares at Bertolt like he can’t decide between fighting or running away. Bertolt resigns himself to the fact that the door will slam on his face again. But maybe Mr. Levi will be kind enough to bring the manuscript out for him to take?

“What are you waiting for?” Mr. Levi asks as he pushes Jaeger inside the apartment. “Come in.”

“I-is that okay? M-Mr. Jaeger doesn’t seem to like me…”

Mr. Levi shrugs. “My house. My rules.”

Bertolt makes a note to stay on this man’s good side.

*

The three of them sit awkwardly in the kitchen as the water boils for tea in the background. The manuscript for the next chapter of _One Day_ is on the table. If Bertolt grabs that and gets out, that will be job done. But the reason why he can’t move is…

Jaeger is watching him with an intensity that frightens Bertolt to even breath. It petrifies him to his chair, preventing him from dashing out. 

Mr. Levi doesn’t seem to notice as he turns off the water and pours it for everyone. Then he stands against the counter, sipping his tea. It will be rude to refuse the tea now, right? Bertolt slowly reaches for his cup, trying really hard not to gulp as Jaeger’s eyes track his movements. He nervously takes a sip and feels shocked for not spilling the hot tea on himself.

“It tastes good,” he manages out in a shaky voice. 

Jaeger stares at him for a beat longer before he reaches for his own tea. He takes a small sip and grimaces. 

“My milk,” Jaeger says, turning to Mr. Levi and thankfully looking away from Bertolt.

Milk with his tea? Oh god, Jaeger is so damned cute.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll get it. Want sugar, too?”

Jaeger shoots Bertolt a suspicious look. “No, no sugar.”

Mr. Levi rolls his eyes but goes to get the milk out of the fridge. In the meanwhile, Jaeger finally addresses Bertolt.

“Manuscript,” Jaeger says, pushing the documents over towards Bertolt. “Leave.”

“Don’t be rude.” 

Mr. Levi lightly smacks Jaeger by the back of his head. He then pours a bit of milk into Jaeger’s cup. Without asking if Bertolt wants some, he puts the milk back. 

Jaeger, by the way, is pouting. 

Bertolt wants to scream at how cute that pout looks. He manages to keep himself under control by reaching for the manuscript. 

“S-since I have this, I… er… I’ll take my leave.”

“Don’t let this brat scare you out,” Mr. Levi says as he moves to sit down with them. “Finish your tea.”

It sounds like such a threat that Bertolt can’t help but to nod in agreement. “Y-yes sir.”

An awkward silence settles in the kitchen. Bertolt considers chugging the hot tea before him in hopes of a quick escape.

“So… who the hell are you?” Mr. Levi asks.

That… is actually a very good question. Bertolt can’t believe he was so rude as to not even introduce himself.

“M-my name is Bertolt Hoover. I’m an intern at the Nine Titans Publishing House. T-the regular person who picks up the manuscript had a family emergency, so I was asked to pick it up in their place.”

Mr. Levi nods and sips his tea.

Another silence settles in the room.

“I… er… A-actually, I’m a huge fan of yours, Mr. Jaeger,” Bertolt blurts out.

Jaeger stiffens. He glares at Bertolt with an intensity that makes Bertolt regret saying anything.

“Oh, it’s been a while since a fan came to visit,” Mr. Levi says, looking bored. “C’mon, Eren. Aren’t you going to shake his hand or whatever?”

Please don’t help. At the very least, Bertolt doesn’t think it’ll be in anyone’s best interest for him to touch Jaeger. Or Jaeger touch him. And okay, let’s stop his brain there before Bertolt gets arrested.

“If you want fanservice, come to a fan meet. Don’t use official business hours for personal reasons,” comes the surprisingly mature response.

“S-sorry. T-that’s not why… I just… After I read your work, I felt inspired to keep going. Er… S-so what I mean is… Thank you. Your works… when I read them, I felt like… I felt like I heard your voice.”

The sound of something slamming against the table makes Bertolt flinch. 

Jaeger’s hand is flat against the table. He keeps his head down so that Bertolt can’t see his expression.

“Please leave,” Jaeger says slowly.

Mr. Levi doesn’t try to stop Bertolt this time.

“S-sorry for taking your time,” Bertolt says.

He rushes out of there.

*

It’s too late for the office to still be open. So Bertolt returns to his small and modest apartment for the night.

*

He gets that most people consider him a failure. But it hurts a bit to see everyone’s shocked faces when he presents Jaeger’s manuscript.

“Y-you got… the manuscript…?”

Bertolt nods, trying not to feel so nervous under their gazes.

Slowly, they take the offered manuscript and flips through it. 

“Oh my god,” comes the soft whisper that makes Bertolt really worried. “It is the manuscript.”

W-what else would it be? Did they think that Bertolt would mess this up that badly? Just how low is their opinion of him?

They glance at one another, exchanging small nods. Then they motion for Bertolt to follow.

This isn’t just about mocking anymore, is it? Bertolt gets a bad feeling about this.

*

“Galliard!”

The only reason why Bertolt recognizes the name “Galliard” is because that name was listed as one of the three interns picked last year. Last year’s interns were Marcel Galliard, Annie Leonhart, and… Shoot. Who was the third person?

Oh. Right.

Armin Arlert. 

“Yes sir?”

The young man comes as bid, glancing at Bertolt curiously before snapping his attention back to the supervisor.

“This is Bertolt Hoover. From today on, he’ll handle any delivery and messaging with Jaeger. Show him around. Hoover, I’ll inform your team of this change.”

H-huh?! W-wait… Really? Just like that? He can work with Jaeger? N-no wait. Doesn’t Jaeger get a say in this? He didn’t seem all that happy to see Bertolt and… Ah, the supervisor already left. But Bertolt didn’t get any answer!

“Nice to meet you, Bertolt,” Galliard says, holding his hand out to Bertolt. “Call me Marcel. You’re one of the three interns for this year, right? I was one for last year. Now I work with the publishing department. From the looks of it, it seems you’ll be working with me here.”

“W-wait… uh… I… This is moving really fast,” Bertolt stammers.

He has just enough brain cells to shake Marcel’s hand. Marcel smiles patiently without making it seem like Bertolt is an annoyance. Bertolt is infinitely grateful.

“Did no one explain anything? Ah, do forgive them. They’re just really excited. The previous person who took care of delivery with Jaeger was Armin. But uh… due to personal reasons, Armin quit.”

This must be the person who had a family emergency. But huh? Wait. Isn’t that the guy who was an intern alongside Marcel? He quit already?

“B-but er… w-why is everyone excited?” Bertolt asks.

Marcel’s smile freezes for a second. “You’ve met Jaeger, right? What’s your opinion on him? Ah, you don’t have to censor yourself. Anything you say, it’ll stay between us.”

“My honest…? He… er… He was really cute.”

“Just cute?”

Bertolt feels his cheeks redden. “R-really cute. Like there’s no way that he’s a high schooler cute. Uh… t-that is-”

Marcel sniggers and shakes his head. “No, no. Not like that. I mean, what he’s like. Everyone knows how cute Jaeger is from afar. I mean like did he throw something at you? Yell at you? Show a bit of temper?”

From that, is it safe to assume that Jaeger often locks people out? But yikes, throwing something?

“He locked me out,” Bertolt admits.

“Ah, you’re lucky. I visited with Armin when I first started. He suddenly decided that he really wanted a King-sized candy bar, right? So I offered to go pick one up for him. When I returned with it, he threw it at me and told me to never return. Apparently, that’s one of the kinder ways he treated others. Most of the time, you can’t even get the manuscript because of the fit he’s throwing.”

Remembering how uneasy Jaeger was when Bertolt was there, he can imagine that. Jaeger seemed very wary of strangers. 

“But he surprisingly treated Armin really well. Because of that, Armin was forbidden from joining the sales department that he wanted to be a part of to babysit Jaeger. No shock, Armin quit.”

“I-I thought there was a family emergency?” Bertolt asks, feeling shocked. 

Why would anyone ever willingly throw away being near Jaeger to crunch numbers? That makes no sense to him.

“That’s a lie the supervisors came up with to appease Jaeger as to why Armin isn’t coming anymore.”

That seems scummy, too. 

“But lucky for us, you got the manuscript. So you can pick up where Armin left off.”

Everything snaps into picture. It wasn’t that they thought Bertolt was such a failure that he wouldn’t be able to get the manuscript. It’s that no one can normally get the manuscript from Jaeger. Bertolt lucked out because Mr. Levi helped him.

“T-the only reason why I was able to get the manuscript this time was because Mr. Levi helped,” Bertolt says because he doesn’t want this to bite him in the ass.

“Eh? So he is real? Damn, I lost that bet.”

How is Bertolt supposed to even respond to that?

“The apartment is leased under his name, but no one’s ever seen the guy before. We all just assumed that it was a fake name that Jaeger used to get the place. To think it was a real person…”

Then is Mr. Levi not around all that often? Isn’t that even more of a reason to not put Bertolt down for this duty? He won’t be able to get the manuscript again.

“We’ll cross that bridge when it comes. But for now, welcome to the crew!” Marcel says cheerfully.

Bertolt feels nothing but dread.

*

The publishing department feels more friendly. But Bertolt isn’t sure if that’s because he’s been designated as Jaeger’s delivery boy and not “failure.” It definitely feels like a lot of people are giving him awed looks when they think he isn’t looking.

Joke’s on them. Due to his anxiety, he’s always aware.

“Eh? You haven’t met the other interns?” Marcel asks, voice tinged in shock. “Why don’t you grab lunch with me today, then? I’ll introduce you.”

If there’s any saving grace, it’s that Marcel’s kindness seem genuine. It makes Bertolt feel like it’s okay to be here.

“I-I would appreciate that. Thank you.”

Marcel laughs. “Don’t be so stiff. We’re in the same department, so it’s only natural that we’ll be looking out for each other.”

*

It turns out Marcel’s younger brother, Porco, is one of the other interns for this year. The last intern is Reiner Braun.

“I hope you guys get along better than Annie, Armin, and I did,” Marcel says.

When Marcel says it like that, it makes it impossible for Bertolt to not try. It looks like Porco and Reiner feel the same way, thankfully. So at least it’s not just Bertolt making an effort.

“Oh! You’re that ‘failure’ kid that everyone was talking about!” Porco says.

Marcel elbows him and shoots him a look. But Bertolt just chuckles it off.

“It’s fine. It’s not like it’s wrong. Yeah, that’s me. To be honest, I thought I’d be fired instead of being given this chance. On top of that, I got to meet Jaeger.”

“Are you a fan of Jaeger, too?” Reiner asks, looking excited. “I love _One Day._ It’s such an eloquent work. It’s so easy to relate to the characters. It feels like I’m glimpsing into these people’s lives instead of reading a manga!”

Bertolt nods. “Yes! It’s also amazing how no matter how cliched the set up is, Jaeger can always come up with something genius! I couldn’t stop laughing for a while reading some panels!”

“It’s not that good,” Porco grumbles, rolling his eyes.

“Yes, it is,” Reiner insists.

Porco scoffs. “His work is rushed. There are character inconsistencies. It’s clear when you read through that it’s his first work. But he gets to get away with a lot of those flaws because it’s episodic. ‘Genius?’ Don’t make me laugh. It’s just cheap shots. Don’t look down on manga.”

Bertolt supposes that as someone new to the genre, he does have a very superficial knowledge of what counts as ‘genius.’ But he personally thought that Jaeger’s works were amazing. It wasn’t just a “manga” thing.

“Says the guy who is two steps away from stalking Jaeger,” Marcel says lightly. He gives his brother a side-look that says he’s unimpressed.

Porco’s cheeks flush horribly red. “S-s-shut it! It’s nothing like that! I’m just curious to know whether he’s accepting assistants. B-because I think he’d be amazing if he could have someone who knows the industry well to help him out!”

Bertolt and Reiner exchange a look. Then Reiner grins widely, making Bertolt smile shyly back.

“What the hell? Aren’t we all just giant fanboys?” Reiner chuckles.

“Shut up! Don’t put me in the same category as all of you!” Porco snaps.

Marcel rolls his eyes at his brother. “Yup. Porco throws a fit if he can’t get his hands on the limited edition mer-”

“Whose side are you on?!”

Bertolt finds himself laughing despite himself. For the first time in his life, he feels comfortable enough to say that he made friends.

*

The next time he’s asked to go talk to Jaeger, it has been a week since he was last at the apartment. Just in case, Bertolt takes two of his favorite volumes to read while killing time for Mr. Levi to get there. 

He doesn’t expect the door to open to the most hopeful expression on Jaeger’s face. 

Jaeger stares blankly at Bertolt for a second. Then he glances around, clearly looking for something. He must not have found it, because he (reluctantly) turns to Bertolt.

“H-hello. I-I’m here to pick up the manuscript,” Bertolt says as cheerfully as he can over his stutter.

The disappointment on Jaeger’s face hurts, even though Bertolt thought he was ready for it. 

“No Armin again?” Jaeger asks, pouting cutely.

Bertolt really wishes he could contact this Armin person so that he can make Jaeger smile. But in the same breath, that pout on Jaeger is so absolutely adorable that he just wants to take a picture and frame it for keeps. Ahhh, why does Jaeger always bring out the creep in Bertolt?

“He er… He quit.”

There’s a small pause as Jaeger lets that sink in. Bertolt thought that Jaeger would just scowl and shut the door on Bertolt. 

He doesn’t expect the tears.

“He… he quit?” Jaeger asks, his voice just barely above a whisper.

Right. Now that Bertolt thinks about it. There’s a reason why the supervisors decided to lie to Jaeger about Armin’s whereabouts, isn’t there? It was probably to prevent this very thing. Bertolt shouldn’t have said anything.

“I-I… T-that is… W-what I mean is…”

But Bertolt’s mind is blank. He has no idea what he should be saying. What should he offer to cheer Jaeger up right now. Is there such a thing? 

“I’m not so pathetic I need you to comfort me,” Jaeger growls. 

He angrily wipes his eyes.

“Stay here. I’ll get you the stupid manuscript.”

Then Jaeger turns and leaves.

Bertolt stands there at the open doorway, wishing he wasn’t so awkward that he knew what to say or do in this situation.

*

Jaeger shoves the manuscript at Bertolt’s chest, a clear sign of dismissal. But Bertolt doesn’t feel right abandoning Jaeger after ruining his mood like that. He hesitantly puts the manuscript in his bag, wondering what he can do. Because there has to be something, right?

Even though this is making all sorts of red flags raise in his head, Bertolt grab Jaeger’s wrist.

“L-let me make it up to you,” Bertolt begins. 

Except what the hell does that even mean? Make it up? It’s not like Bertolt went out of his way to get rid of Armin or something. And he most definitely doesn’t want Jaeger to think that. So why the hell did he have to say it like this is his fault when it’s just circumstances and-

Jaeger kicks Bertolt’s knee with a scowl. “Don’t touch me.”

But Bertolt doesn’t want to let go just yet. He doesn’t understand himself. Hasn’t he wanted all his life to live in the background, to never be noticed? So why is he doing this? This is bound to get him hated. There’s no doubt that this is going to end horribly. Jaeger clearly wants to be left alone. So why is he pushing like this?

Is it because of that look on Jaeger’s face? It makes him look so infinitely lonely that Bertolt’s heart aches. Because that’s a look that Bertolt recognizes. It’s the look in the mirror he sees even though he has resigned himself to living a quiet life where no one would notice him. 

Bertolt yanks Jaeger close to himself (Is a high schooler really supposed to be this light? Is Jaeger eating right?). His arms wraps around that small body, enveloping him with surprising ease. Jaeger is warm. And belatedly, Bertolt realizes that he hasn’t hugged anyone in a long time. He hasn’t comforted anyone before. You’re supposed to say something, right? You’re supposed to do something more than just this? But what? What should he do? What should he say?

“Didn’t I say not to touch me?” comes the low growl of warning.

But it doesn’t sound as biting as before. In fact, Bertolt will go out on a limb and say that it sounds… like Jaeger is shaken. Bertolt might be overestimating himself a bit, but he gets the feeling that Jaeger isn’t going to strike him again.

Then it’s okay to be a bit bolder, right?

“I promise I didn’t see anything. It’s fine if you pretend I’m someone else. But right now, I don’t think you should be alone. So just… use me.”

Bertolt feels Jaeger’s hand clutching tightly to his shirt. He feels Jaeger’s weight acutely in his arms. With a soft whimper that seems much too heartbreaking, Jaeger rests his forehead against Bertolt’s chest. 

“Why are you being nice to me? After all I did, why?” comes the choking whisper that Bertolt feels he might have misheard.

It’s nothing so grand as Jaeger seems to believe. Bertolt isn’t that kind of a person. It just… seemed too cruel. To leave someone so clearly lonely alone. To leave someone to suffer as Bertolt did in loneliness. In a sense, Bertolt is just selfishly doing what he would have liked to have had way back when.

“If… I have to explain it… I guess… It’s because I heard your voice. So it’s okay. I am here. You don’t have to be alone.”

He hears a broken sob of someone who has held on past their breaking point.

He allows Jaeger to cry in his arms without a complaint.

*

The problem now is that Jaeger has cried himself to sleep, and the two of them are still standing in front of the open apartment door. He has no idea if the neighbors heard their talk or worse, Jaeger crying. Have they called the cops? “There’s a suspicious lanky guy molesting the high school student next door?” 

Bertolt swears this isn’t what it looks like. But he supposes that’s exactly what a molester would say.

Should he… t-take Jaeger inside the apartment? 

I-it’s not like he has bad intentions or anything. But it just looks suspicious as hell, right? T-t-to take someone asleep into their apartment? No! No! It’s not suspicious. It’s not. Just because Jaeger is a high school student doesn’t make this indecent. Bertolt is putting a sleeping child to bed.

Yes. That’s what this is.

This is completely innocent.

No dirty thoughts to be found. None. Absolutely nada. Bertolt is a failure, not a scum. He will not fall that low.

Bertolt forces himself to take a deep breath.

He enters the apartment, noticing the smell of something sweet in the air. Did Jaeger bake cookies before this? He closes the door and locks it behind him. 

*

Last time Bertolt was here, he only entered the kitchen. So he didn’t get a chance to look around. It seems that this is a one room, one bathroom apartment. The couch in the living room doesn’t look like it’s used as a bed, which can only mean…

Bertolt stops his thoughts there before it turns criminal.

He considers putting Jaeger down on the couch. But that doesn’t seem right. Should he really put a talented mangaka on an uncomfortable couch? What if it hurts Jaeger’s arm? 

No, no. He can’t risk that.

It’ll be better that he puts Jaeger in the… the… b-bed.

No, no. His intentions are pure. His mind is clean. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.

Repeating that to himself over and over again, Bertolt makes his way into the bedroom with Jaeger in tow. He makes no comment on the king sized bed in the room. That is not any of his business. He just needs to put Jaeger down on bed and-

Something grabs Bertolt by the front of his shirt, pulling him down. Bertolt has enough senses to brace his arms so that he doesn’t end up crushing Jaeger.

And wow. Those are the most vibrant green eyes Bertolt has ever seen, staring up at him.

“Don’t leave me alone. It’s scary by myself.”

How long has Jaeger been awake? No wait. Bertolt should be more focused on what Jaeger is asking of him. B-because i-isn’t that p-pretty much s-s-saying…?

Bertolt swallows thickly. He doesn’t even have a good enough of an excuse to dodge such words. If he were someone good with words, he would’ve asked if Jaeger asks just anyone to stay with him in bed like this. If he were someone who wasn’t so flustered and caught off-guard, he would’ve assured Jaeger that he would stay, just not in the same bed together like this. If he were someone who wasn’t Bertolt, he would have done a thousand different things, said a million different hings.

What a terrible adult he is. What a horrible role model he makes. If the cops were to show up now, he would have nothing coherent to say to defend himself.

Bertolt lowers himself in bed and pulls Jaeger close.

“I’m here. You’re not alone,” Bertolt assures him.

He’s such a shit person for enjoying Jaeger snuggling close to him.

*

Bertolt snaps awake with a sinking realization that he doesn’t recognize this bed. It takes him a second to remember what happened. And by then, he has enough awareness to realize that his shirt has been lifted just enough to reveal his chest and Jaeger has his ear pressed against it while staring at Bertolt’s face. 

“Your heart beats really fast when you’re awake,” Jaeger remarks seriously.

It takes everything Bertolt has to not scream and roll out of bed. But he’s pretty sure that his heartbeat probably picked up even more from the way Jaeger’s brows furrow.

“Hey, are you okay? I don’t think it should be beating that fast.”

Then please give Bertolt some space before he does something both of them regrets!

“Y-you’re… c-close,” Bertolt manages out calmly. 

“But how else will I hear your heartbeat?” Jaeger asks, looking at Bertolt with innocent eyes. 

R-right? It’s innocent? That’s just an innocent look that Jaeger is giving him? It’s innocent. It has to be innocent. Oh god, Bertolt is not thinking about anything indecent. He’s not. He’s not. For shame’s sake, Bertolt Hoover. Get a grip. How many times is he going to have to repeat this to himself before it finally sinks in?

“W-w-why are you l-list-”

“To make sure you’re alive,” Jaeger says.

That sounds… er… rather scary. Why is Jaeger expecting Bertolt to drop dead in his sleep? Is that just something that happens around Jaeger? That’s… Hell, that’s terrifying.

“Y-you er… c-can do that without l-lifting my s-shirt,” Bertolt points out.

Jaeger pouts, looking away from Bertolt as his cheeks heat up. “What if you’re faking it?”

F-fake a heartbeat? Just what does Jaeger think Bertolt is?!

“B-but it’s you,” Jaeger protests when Bertolt asks.

Jaeger’s defiant pout is so cute and adorable. But why the hell is this Jaeger’s opinion of Bertolt? Bertolt would be insulted if he wasn’t so baffled. And… Is it weird that he feels this charmed? It probably is, right? But how can he not feel so taken by that pout? It should be illegal for someone to be as cute as Jaeger is!

“Is… that a good thing?” Bertolt asks, honestly curious.

“Maybe?”

Green eyes shyly peers up at Bertolt from beneath lashes. And wow, Jaeger has some really long lashes. Bertolt kind of want to get closer for a better look, but he refrains. Not a creep, he reminds himself. He is going to be responsible adult… As responsible as an adult can be while almost shirtless with a high schooler in the same bed, but that’s not the point. 

“I’m pretty young. I don’t think I’ll die any time soon,” Bertolt says lightly.

W-what’s up with that look of disbelief? W-why is Jaeger patting Bertolt’s stomach for?

“You never know with these things,” Jaeger insists. 

Please don’t just kill Bertolt off like that. His anxiety is bad enough without Jaeger adding to it like this!

“At the very least, consider working out a bit, okay?”

Is Jaeger implying that Bertolt is fat?! He is of average weight for his height, thank you very much! Yes, he doesn’t have a six pack or whatever. But why the hell does he need that when he wants to disappear unnoticed at the end of his life? And can Jaeger please stop looking so concerned? Bertolt isn’t going to just drop dead!

“I think you’re worried about the wrong thing,” Bertolt protests.

Perhaps this is the same way Jaeger behaved with Armin? If so, Bertolt thinks he might understand why Armin felt so freaked out. To be forcibly think about dying is probably not pleasant for normal people. At the very least, it’s not exactly a topic an average person will bring up casually… especially not in bed like this.

“How did you know I didn’t want to be alone?” Jaeger asks softly. 

“I told you. I heard your voice,” Bertolt reminds him.

“But I didn’t say anything. How can you ‘hear’ me if I didn’t say it?”

That’s what Jaeger is caught on? Bertolt just barely holds back from laughing. Jaeger probably wouldn’t appreciate that. But Bertolt can’t help it. It’s surprisingly adorable and childish of Jaeger that Bertolt wants to hold him tightly again.

“There are plenty of things that are said without opening one’s mouth,” Bertolt says wisely.

He hopes it doesn’t come across as haughty. He’s not trying to lecture or seem more mature. He just… finds it so enchanting that someone who can create a wonderful story like _One Day_ is troubled by this simple fact.

“So as long as you ‘hear’ that, you’ll stay?”

Although Bertolt is the one who carelessly said that, he now realizes just how misaligned that is with his end goal. He can already see it. The look of disappointment in Jaeger’s eyes. But he can’t exactly wave this current situation away or disappear like Armin did. That would be too irresponsible.

“Mr. Jaeger-”

“It’s Eren.”

I-is it okay to speak so familiarly? Especially given what Bertolt wants to tell Jae… Eren? Ahhh! Just thinking about being allowed to say “Eren” is making him so giddy.

“E-Eren… t-the thing is, my goal in life has always been to die unnoticed by anyone else. Quietly and peacefully, you know? Without leaving any trace of myself behind.”

Ja… Eren stares at Bertolt with a look that’s hard to read. Is that displeasure? Is that disgust? Is it disappointment? What? What is Eren feeling?

“Well, I hate to be bearer of bad news, but you’ll have to give up on that goal,” Eren says finally.

Please, give Bertolt a choice in these talks of theirs!

Eren moves to pin Bertolt down on the bed. Bertolt is going to blame the fact that the move was sudden as to why he didn’t react in time to prevent this. It’s not because he wants to be pinned down. It’s most definitely not because he has indecent thoughts. He does not. He does not. He is most definitely not excited. He is-

"For how long are you planning to atone? Isn't it okay to forgive yourself now?"

Forgive himself? For what? Bertolt isn't sure exactly why Eren said those words, but its comforting. His heart feels like it'll burst from gratitude. Has he been waiting for those words? But why? Why are his eyes watering? Why does he feel so light? How did Eren know that Bertolt needed to hear those words?

Oh. 

Is this how Eren felt when Bertolt told him that he isn’t alone?

“Bertolt, if I am allowed to not be alone anymore, then you’re allowed to live without feeling guilty. It’s okay to be noticed. It’s okay to connect to people. At the very least, I’ve long forgiven you. So won’t you start forgiving yourself?”

No, that’s not it.

It’s not that Bertolt has been waiting for those words. It’s that he has been waiting for those words from Eren. He doesn’t quite understand why. But this feels right. No, not right. It’s… How should he go about to describe this feeling of peace he feels? How should he put into words the way his heart seems to weep with relief? For how long has he yearned to hear them without realizing it himself? 

For how long has he been waiting for Eren?

“I… think I needed to hear that from you,” Bertolt admits honestly. “I might have been waiting for you.”

He’s not sure how to describe the look on Eren’s face. It seems his grasp on language is not as great as he once believed. But something about that look makes Bertolt want to-

Eren leans down so that their noses brush. There’s just a hint of a grin on his face that Bertolt finds much too charming. 

“No, you weren’t. You were just… lonely.”

Bertolt supposes he can’t argue against that. “I’m glad that it’s you.”

“Good. Because I’m not letting you go.”

… Huh? W-wait, i-isn’t that moving too fast? Then again, they’ve already slept in the same bed together, so Bertolt probably doesn’t have any room to speak. B-b-but there should be more of an order to these things and-

“Can I kiss you?”

O-oh no. That’s not what Bertolt meant to say. W-well, he did, but not right now. Eren is in high school! Why can’t Bertolt just wait until Eren graduates? It’ll just be in a few months, minimum. At least that way, this won’t turn criminal. Wait no. That’s not the problem. The problem is that there’s no way that someone as accomplished as Eren would ever be interested in-

At best, it’s just a small brush of lips. 

Then Eren pulls back, his cheeks slowly turning red. It’s clear that he’s embarrassed from the way his eyes keep darting away from Bertolt’s face after taking a peek. 

And it’s like a dam broke after a long period of rain.

Bertolt traps Eren with his arms, spinning them around so that Eren won’t be able to escape. Eren opens his mouth. And Bertolt takes advantage.

He’s scum. 

There’s no other word for himself. Bertolt Hoover is scum. 

He couldn’t do something as simple as wait few months for Eren’s graduation. And instead, he takes advantage of a high schooler’s kindness and loneliness. This is a behavior only a scum would do. But…

But, but, but.

Eren’s lips are so inviting. Eren’s warmth is so kind. Eren wraps his arms around Bertolt and accepts it all.

Bertolt will atone for this for the rest of his life by dedicating everything he has to Eren. And ha. Look at him, talking about atonement right after Eren told him to forgive himself. He’ll have to work on that. 

Slowly. With Eren. 

Somehow, the thought of being with Eren for that long makes him feel rather giddy.

Would it be okay? To allow himself to hope? To believe that Eren won’t change his mind? To be happy?

Is it okay to love Eren as much as he does right now? So much that his heart feels like it’ll overflow and burst. So much that he honestly doesn’t know what to do with himself.

“Hey?” Eren asks, gently cupping Bertolt’s face. “Penny for your thoughts?”

Bertolt feels like exploding with this feeling, yet he can’t quite vocalize it. 

One day, he promises that he’ll say it. Without hesitation, without reservation, he’ll put into words this feeling in his chest. But until then, he’ll just have to hope that this kiss can transfer all his love to Eren.

_Fin._

**Author's Note:**

> “I completely forgot to deliver the manuscript! My coworkers are going to kill me,” Bertolt groans, burying his face in Eren’s shoulder.
> 
> Eren’s fingers run through Bertolt’s hair. And even though Bertolt is the older one of the two, he finds himself childishly latching onto this comfort.
> 
> “It’ll be fine. I’m always two chapters ahead of what’s published. So even if you delay by one or two days, it won’t affect anything overall,” Eren says with a shrug.
> 
> Bertolt has an inkling of a feeling that that might be because of Eren’s unapproachable attitude. Speaking of, he should probably ask about that… Later, though. Right now, he wants to enjoy being spoiled a bit longer before having to brave the real world.
> 
> The real…
> 
> It’s not until then it finally sinks in exactly what he has done. He finds himself pulling away from Bertolt as the guilt sinks like a stone in his gut.
> 
> “Jeesh, talk about mood swings,” Eren says, shaking his head. “What’s the issue now?”
> 
> “I… I’m an adult. You haven’t graduated from high school yet. T-this is illegal-”
> 
> “The hell’s with that? You’re not that older than me! How old are you?” Eren demands.
> 
> Bertolt can’t believe he has to actually think about this one. “Nineteen.”
> 
> There’s a small pause before Eren grabs Bertolt’s cheeks and pulls.
> 
> “You’re just two years older than me! A-and… the most we did was k-kiss! Stop turning this into a criminal case!”
> 
> Oh, that’s cute. Eren stuttered over the word kiss. 
> 
> Hm? Why is Eren’s face so red as he releases Bertolt’s cheeks?
> 
> “Y-you… s-said that out loud.”
> 
> … H-huh?!
> 
> H-he… he said…? Why can’t he say more important things out loud? He would much rather be able to blurt out that he loves Eren than Eren is cute… Well, Eren is cute. So this isn’t too bad. But he wanted to be able to express his love properly.
> 
> One day, he promises himself yet again.
> 
> “H-hey,” Eren mumbles. His eyes keep darting from the ground to Bertolt. Is he nervous about something?
> 
> “Whatever you want to say, it can’t be as embarrassing as what I’ve already said,” Bertolt points out.
> 
> Eren seems to consider that for a second before saying, “I love you, too.”
> 
> …
> 
> It turns out, that “one day” ended up coming much earlier than Bertolt expected.


End file.
